The Real Christmas Letter . . .

As I mentioned in my last post, I am not a fan of writing Christmas letters. I hate talking about myself. I hate trying to decide what other people would want to know about our lives. I fear sounding fake.

(PS - I really have enjoyed reading the letters we've received this year. It's hard to keep up with what everyone else is doing, and I appreciate people taking the time to write down the highlights of the year. I think we have every Christmas card we've received since moving to Arkansas. When people send pictures, I go back and compare them to previous years, etc. I know, I'll turn in my man card later.)

So without further ado, where is the "real" Stewart family Christmas letter.

Wow. You know you've had a heck of a year when one of your best friends comes up to you and asks "What did you do wrong?" (referencing Job and his friends). It has been a wild and unexpected year.

I finished up teaching the full organic chemistry class for the first time. My teaching is definitely a work in progress. I think I learned as much or more from the "alpha" class as I taught them. The highlight of the spring semester was definitely spring break. Jess and Maddy went to see Ma and Pa, while Paul Murphy and I took off on an adventure. We drove all night (save three hours of sleep on the side of the road) to his parents in South Carolina where we spent a few days with his family. I love the Murphy's. So much so they'll get a post of their own soon. After recharging for a few days there, we took off for Charleston SC with Josh Murphy and his girlfriend. Charleston is a great town, I highly recommend a visit. The three gentlemen then spent a couple of nights camping on Cumberland Island, GA. Cumberland Island is a national park, only accessible via boat/ferry. We had an awesome time getting away from it all, even though we had to hike about 8 miles or so to our campsite from the ferry. Saw my first live armadillo on the island, as well as wild horses and an awesome moonlight beach. From there, Paul and I visited the Florida Caverns, an unexpectedly good state park (with the first warm shower we had in days) and the beach at Panama City. Overall, an amazing trip.

Upon our return to Arkansas, Maddy took her first steps!

After break is when things really got interesting. Maddy got sick with a cold near the end of March, or so we thought. On Wednesday, she had a runny nose and maybe a little bit of fever. She went to sleep ok, but was coughing a lot, waking occasionally. Jess brought her to bed with us about 1:30, making the comment "we'll never get any sleep otherwise". We never brought her to bed with us. Ever. We woke about 3:30 to Maddy having her first seizure. We were freaked out to say the least. Her whole body was somewhat limp and she was unresponsive. We had no idea what was going on, all we knew was she wasn't breathing and her lips were turning blue. We threw on clothes and headed for the er. Maddy started breathing somewhat on the way to the hospital, though she was completely out of it. I dropped them off at the door and Jess said it was like a scene from a tv show. Someone grabbed Maddy and took her to the back, pulling off her pajamas as she went. By the time I got inside, maybe two minutes later, they had two IV's going and a third on the way. She wasn't responding well to the meds and her oxygen levels were still low, so at that point they made the call to put her on a respirator and have her airlifted to Children's Hospital in Little Rock. It was determined that she did have RSV, a cold-like virus that causes a large production of mucus that can be very harmful to infants. It would not however explain the seizure. The helicopter from Children's arrived carrying a doctor, a nurse, a respiratory therapist, and a pilot. They took over from the local doctors immediately (it was very similar to the calvary arriving. As the copter landed, all of the nurses backed away and made room for the entry of the new staff. Like I said, it was just like a tv show). They spent another hour or so prepping her for flight. They were not comfortable taking off before her vitals were stabilized, and she was just not able to keep them up. She left a little after 7 for the 18 minute flight to Children's. Talk about your emotional battle. Jess and I could do nothing but stand there and pray. It was gut wrenching to see our daughter laid out on the table, nonresponsive. The staff at the er was wonderful. They were constantly encouraging us and walking us through the procedures.

We left for Children's ourselves, making a quick stop at the house for clothes and such, as they told us to prepare for a long visit. We got to the hospital just before nine. Maddy had been admitted to the PICU, and we went there to see her. Or so we thought. They were still working on her and we were not allowed in to see her until just before lunch. We were blessed by the presence of Lisa Engel, who was in Little Rock and showed up in the waiting room within a few minutes of us. Her knowledge was invaluable and comforting. Others quickly followed, bringing food, prayers, comfort, a hotel room, love. I lost track around 40. My parents, my inlaws, and my sister all came down to provide much needed support. When we first were taken back to Maddy's room, we were told that they were still investigating what happened and to expect at least a two weeks in PICU and several weeks in the hospital after that. Maddy bounced back fast, and we were discharged to a private room by late evening. We were still told we'd be there for a week or so. We left the next afternoon.

There is no medical reason for Maddy's speedy recovery. No doctor, nurse, specialist, or med student can explain it.

Maddy regressed somewhat while in the hospital and was weak for a few weeks. She got another virus two weeks later, hand foot and mouth disease. It causes a rash on the legs and painful ulcers in the mouth. Oh, and she had another seizure. During this sickness we learned that one of Maddy's favorite foods is peach fruit pops. She wears them well!

After the second seizure, Maddy started tacking seizure medicine twice a day. She's had several other seizures since, and has had her medicines changed as well, looking for the right combination. She contracted HFM again, a rarity. She was diagnosed with epilepsy in August, but that means little. In reality, epilepsy is defined as seizures without cause. There is little that is known about the illness, and the doctors are working to minimize the effects. There is a slight chance that she'll grow out of it. We are learning every day how to live with Maddy's condition. All but one of Maddy's seizures have come when she has been sick. As such, we are anal when it comes to being around sick people. Cough around Maddy and you're sure to get a dirty look from us! She developed another respiratory infection of unknown sorts just before Thanksgiving and spent another three days in the hospital. She was more mobile this time, and was quite a scene walking up and down the hall pushing her IV pole.

Jess started back to work in May to help out with things. She worked at the Best Western in town at the front desk for the overnight shift. She moved to the hospital as a CSA in November. She also checks chapel seats. And does some sewing. Oh, and she's pregnant again.

God has a funny since of humor sometimes, does He not?

I'm into the "Beta' class of organic students, still trying to find the balance between spoon-feeding the students and teaching them to be independent learners. I love my job. I work with some of the best men and women God has created.

So where does that leave us? Jess and I are striving to find answers. I'm not going to lie and say everything has been great. We've struggled. We've questioned "why us?" "why now?". This definitely wasn't covered in the owners manual that came with Maddy. Oh wait, there is no manual! We've been scared a lot. We've been frustrated a great deal. We've been loved. Our families have been amazing this year. They have kept the highways busy going back and forth between Indiana/Missouri/Searcy. They have been to comfort us, to console us, and to prod us forward. Our friends. There are no words to express how amazing our friends have been this year. As I said earlier, when Maddy was in the hospital the first time, we were flooded with friends offering support and comfort. We've come to depend heavily on the smiles you offer at church. The greetings at Walmart. Table fellowship. Just knowing that you have been praying for us means so much. Jess and I will never be able to repay you. Accept our sincere thanks.

I have been blessed with the most amazing wife in the world. I never thought I would be co-dependent on someone. I was too stubborn. But it has happened. Jessy makes getting up every morning that much sweeter. We've been short with each other, frustrated with each other, but in the end I love her more today than I ever have. I would not have been able to handle this year alone, and I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a helpmate to go through life with.

I have the cutest daughter in the world. Her smile melts me. Yes, she does get upset, but not often. She has a true joy built in to her. I look forward to her smile every night. I cherish my good night kiss after prayers. I would not trade her for anything. God has blessed Jess and I so much through her. I am humbled that God has bestowed such a gift on us. She walks. She talks (ok, she mumbles in her own language). She loves to swing and to slide. And dance. She loves animals and fears nothing. I look forward to each and every day with her.

God is good. We don't always understand why things happen and what they mean, but I know He is there for me. God has continued to work in our lives and mold us.

So what's next? Jess is due June 24th. She has had a better time of it this time over last, but it still has not been easy. We hope to more fully discern God's will for our lives. It sounds so "churchy", but one of the things we've come to realize is we don't always live like there might not be a tomorrow. We don't do a great job of looking for the opportunities that God continually puts in front of us. We want to rediscover that passion. We look forward to making new friends, developing closer friendships with those we already know. We want to serve. So often this year we've found ourselves feeling sorry for ourselves, not seeing the blessings that God has given us. We want to focus on serving others, and sharing with them the many ways in which God has blessed us.

Thank you for being the hands of God on earth.

The Stewarts

God, I am amazed. As I look back on this past year, I feel so ashamed. So often I felt alone, I felt like you had abandoned us. I felt like you had given us this amazing gift in Maddy, then were allowing her to suffer. I was hurt. Now I see You were there the whole time. You took care of Maddy at every turn. You blessed the doctors and nurses attending to her. You showed us the amazing friends and family that surround us. You healed our daughter. For that I give you thanks. I praise you for loving me. I praise you for caring for me. I am so humbled in your presence. I'm sorry that I became angry with you. I'm sorry that I blamed you for all the things that were happening. I'm sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.

Cheesy Christmas Letter

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas letters. I love getting them, as it's hard for me to keep up with all of my friends and family. It's almost like a primitive blog. I hate writing them. I never know what to say. Do you really want to know how the last year went or do you want the sugar-coated synopsis? This year I'm going to do both. First, here is the official letter that will be sent out with the holiday cards. Later in the week I'll post the "real" letter.

Greetings from Searcy!

Another year has passed, and what a year it was! Jess and I can honestly say we never expected anything like this. The year started off in fine fashion. I finished up my first full year teaching organic chemistry at Harding, while Jessy was busy being the best mom in the world. Jessy and Madeline spent spring break with Ma and Pa in Indiana, while I went on an adventure through the southeast. Paul Murphy and I set off from Searcy and headed east to visit friends and family. The trip was highlighted by a 3-day camping trip on Cumberland Island off the coast of Georgia.

The real adventure began upon our return. Maddy fell ill with RSV at the end of March. RSV is a respiratory virus that is relatively harmless in children and adults, but can cause quite a few problems in infants. Additionally, Maddy had her first seizure. We rushed her to the local hospital, where she was then airlifted (Her first helicopter ride!) to Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock. A miracle occurred, as Maddy recovered faster than anyone could have predicted or expected. After initially telling us to prepare for a long stay at Children’s, we were able to go home the next day. Our friends and family were amazing during this time, as the hospital lobby was full of love and support. Maddy still has occasional seizures, and has been diagnosed with epilepsy. She continues to grow like a weed. She loves to read, play outside, and loves her baby dolls. She had a great first birthday party back in April, and continues to make her mommy and daddy proud. One of my favorite memories came during the third visit to the hospital in November. Maddy was beginning to feel better, and wanted to walk around. She quickly picked up on how to push her IV pole up and down the hall! She was a huge hit with the nurses.

Jessy went back to work full-time in May. She worked the front desk at the local Best Western until November. She changed jobs and is now a Client Service Aide at the hospital. She still works the night shift, but it is three nights per week instead of five nights per week. That’s a great thing, especially for someone who’s pregnant. Yes, we are expecting our second blessing sometime around the end of June.

How’s that for a year? There are so many other things that happened. We finished out the second bathroom in our house, replaced a few more windows, got another dog, got rid of said dog. Maddy’s gone from eating mashed food to eating anything we put in front of her. It’s truly been a whirlwind.

Jess and I want to thank you all for the support and love you have shown us over the past year. We are so thankful for the hugs, the shoulders to cry on, the food that was brought over, the visits to the hospital. It is such an encouragement to us to know that you love and care for us. We will never be able to repay you for the love you have shown us.

In Him,

Kevin, Jessy, Madeline, and Baby Stewart

The Cost of Education

Take a few minutes to read this article first.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/12/education/12tuition.html?ex=1323579600&en=dbfec38a47b56028&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss

As an educator at a private university, I found the article interesting. First, the operating budget of one private school with 1500 students is over a $100 million? Here we have over 6000 students and an operating budget just over half that. I would be extremely interested to know our cost per student ratio. Second, I can see value in raising tuition to match expectations. For example, over thanksgiving my father-in-law sent me off to purchase a printer. I went out and bought a name brand printer on sale for a ridiculously low price. He immediately assumed that the printer must be bad for some reason (last year's model, not dependable, etc.) because it was cheap. My favorite example of this is haute cuisine. If I tried to serve you a small piece of raw beef liver covered in goat's blood, you'd head for Wendy's. However, if you were in some fancy restaurant some people would pay $125 and call it good.

Maybe we shouldn't fear tuition increases as much. To be honest, we could raise tuition and increase the amount of aid per student and end up at a net push financially. Each student would pay the same amount as they are today, but they would be getting a better "deal". Would you rather go to a school giving you a $10,000 scholarship over 4 years or one giving you a $15,000 scholarship over 4 years?

Kohler Strike

There's a strike going on at the Kohler plant in Searcy, AR. Searcy is a small town of 18,000 in rural Arkansas, about 60 miles north of Little Rock. In the last four years, two major employers have left town (Armstrong Flooring and Whitaker Furniture) and one is leaving at the end of the month (Maytag and its 600 jobs). All total, somewhere close to 1400 jobs have been lost in the last four years or so if I rmember correctly ( a big if).

So now the Kohler workers go on strike, and 231 people are standing on the side of the road instead of earning money. I give Kohler two weeks or so before they announce that they are relocating operations to some other place, probably China or Mexico. They had trouble with this same union back in the spring and gave up $1.3 million in concessions. That's not going to happen again. How can these people not realize that they are expendable? They are lucky to have decent paying jobs in this town. Kohler can train someone else to make a stainless steel sink for half the money somewhere else.

I understand that unions had their place back in the twentieth century. Not anymore.

Update

My daughter is out of the hospital. They never pinned down exactly what was/is wrong with her. She took a full course of antibiotics and steroids, and is still on a few other drugs to help her lungs clear out. We'll meet with the doctors again next week, including a consult with the neurologist to figure out what is next.

Alone

So my girl is back in the hospital. She's got another respiratory infection of some sort. It led to another seizure and the fun really got started. It's been a huge mess. The best part is we called down asking for motrin to help with her fever so she wouldn't seize. My favorite part was when she started seizing, I went to get a nurse while my wife held her. The nurses just sort of shrugged and walked toward the room. When the first one reached the room, a look of panic went across his face. He immediately started running around, causing the others to run. Of course, they didn't do anything (six showed up, none did a thing). She finished it off by throwing up all over my wife and the bed. Did anyone stay to help her clean up or to change the bed linens? Nope.

We know our little girl. We have gotten pretty good at predicting when a seizure is coming. We are not over-reactive parents without a clue. Treat us with a little respect and things will be a whole lot easier. Another example: tonight, they said to keep her up until they could get her evening medicines to the room (they were at the nurses' station). We mentioned that she needs to go bed at 8, or it gets ugly. They said no problem. Meds came about 9:30. We finally got the girl to sleep two hours later, after two solid hours of screaming.

Back to the subject of the post. My wife and I realized today that our lives here are pretty sad. We were in the hospital for two days, and did not get one call or any visitors, save from long-distance family. The only two people that came to the hospital were my parents. It gets very lonely in a room for that long. We've lived in this town for over three years, and we don't have any friends that are close enough to us to visit in the hospital when our daughter is sick. I needed support today. I thank God for my long-distance friends (shout out to the SC).

So what next? I must take an active interest in the lives of those around me. We are those people. The ones you smile at and carry on small-talk with at church, only to "Bless our hearts" when we're out of earshot. We must be proactive in reaching out to others. This whole day has shown me how self-centered I am. All I could focus on was why hasn't anyone called? Why hasn't anyone stopped by? That is so egotistical it hurts. I MUST get a better attitude. The question to be asked is how can I serve others while being at the hospital. The woman across the hall didn't have a visitor these last two days either. Why didn't I stop in for two minutes and say hello?

I am honestly ashamed of myself right now.

Dear Lord,
Grant me your peace. Help me to see your will for me. Help me to lean on the unexpected blessings that you have given us. Help me to always see the big picture, and never lose sight of a home with you.

Through Jesus we pray,
Amen

Testing 1, 2, 3

So it was test week. I hate test week. I'm always disappointed. I want every kid to get an A, and it rarely happens. OK, so it never happens. As an educator, it's my job to teach them the material. I'm responsible for their education. If they don't know it, I stink. And that's how I feel right now. I want them to succeed, I want them to do well, I want them to realize their dreams. But I can only do so much.

"the gathering" is coming. October 1 is the kickoff. For real this time. I know, we've said it was going to be August 14, then every weekend in September. But it will be happening on Oct. 1. I'm a little nervous, as I've never been part of a worship experience quite like it, at least in Arkansas. We've faced opposition over and over, and still there are a lot of questions to be answered. We are starting at HA, but only until we can find a "permanent home". I pray the God continues to guide this ministry, and that we can continue to Praise Him with our lives and with our worship.

It's hard not to get bitter at different elders and leaders as they attack our ministry. We feel called to offer this to the Searcy community. So it's "unorthodox". You don't have to come. You are not our target outreach. Sit in your pew and Praise God as you have done for 60 years. You do it very well and God is pleased with it. However, please don't look down on us for trying to reach out to a different subsection of the Searcy community that is currently underserved. We are trying. We have been praying about this for over six months now, and we feel that God is blessing us each week and encouraging us to continue. I just hope that the division and dissension that this has brought up will not interfere with the message of Christ. And selfishly I hope my job is not jeopordized in the process.

I'll be singing with the praise team at covenant fellowship this Sunday. Wayburn Dean, one of the old Acapella guys, is in town to lead their worship. We practiced tonight, and all I can say is wow. It was so spiritually uplifting to sing for an hour and a half Praising God. I'm looking forward to Sunday and worshipping with a new set of brothers.

_________

Lord, give me the strength to stand up for You each day. Give me the courage to listen and follow your call. Show me those around me who I can be serving. Help me to never lose focus on the true goal, serving you with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Bind us together in your love.
Through your son,
Amen