Testing 1, 2, 3

So it was test week. I hate test week. I'm always disappointed. I want every kid to get an A, and it rarely happens. OK, so it never happens. As an educator, it's my job to teach them the material. I'm responsible for their education. If they don't know it, I stink. And that's how I feel right now. I want them to succeed, I want them to do well, I want them to realize their dreams. But I can only do so much.

"the gathering" is coming. October 1 is the kickoff. For real this time. I know, we've said it was going to be August 14, then every weekend in September. But it will be happening on Oct. 1. I'm a little nervous, as I've never been part of a worship experience quite like it, at least in Arkansas. We've faced opposition over and over, and still there are a lot of questions to be answered. We are starting at HA, but only until we can find a "permanent home". I pray the God continues to guide this ministry, and that we can continue to Praise Him with our lives and with our worship.

It's hard not to get bitter at different elders and leaders as they attack our ministry. We feel called to offer this to the Searcy community. So it's "unorthodox". You don't have to come. You are not our target outreach. Sit in your pew and Praise God as you have done for 60 years. You do it very well and God is pleased with it. However, please don't look down on us for trying to reach out to a different subsection of the Searcy community that is currently underserved. We are trying. We have been praying about this for over six months now, and we feel that God is blessing us each week and encouraging us to continue. I just hope that the division and dissension that this has brought up will not interfere with the message of Christ. And selfishly I hope my job is not jeopordized in the process.

I'll be singing with the praise team at covenant fellowship this Sunday. Wayburn Dean, one of the old Acapella guys, is in town to lead their worship. We practiced tonight, and all I can say is wow. It was so spiritually uplifting to sing for an hour and a half Praising God. I'm looking forward to Sunday and worshipping with a new set of brothers.

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Lord, give me the strength to stand up for You each day. Give me the courage to listen and follow your call. Show me those around me who I can be serving. Help me to never lose focus on the true goal, serving you with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Bind us together in your love.
Through your son,
Amen

Questions

Why is it that the further we go in life, the more questions there are? I've always somewhat assumed that as I got older, I would get wiser. I'm not sure that's the case anymore. I think that the older I get, the more I understand I know nothing.

My girl is sick. What's wrong with her? No one knows. And that scares me. I put on a happy face for all the world to see, and pretend that everything is fine. But it's not. I'm angry. I'm scared. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love my girl. I don't want to lose her. I hate walking down the hall every night to check on her. I stand there above her crib and just pray that God has spared her life for just a little bit longer. I hate that. I am jealous of everyone else with their perfect children. Why can't that be our daughter? Why is it ours has to be the one who is sick?

It's been over a month since we've been to the hospital. Yeah.

I want to know why.

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I know. I have to end the pity party. God has given me a beautiful daughter that is growing up strong and has a great personality. Who am I to question the BLESSING that God has given us? I would not trade her for anybody. I love her so much.

I'm just tired of being scared.

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Thank you God for the many blessings you give to us each day. Give me the strength to make it through another day. Help me to get the focus off of me, and put it on you. Thank you for loving me.